Photography 1On1

I type these words from the spring of deep frustration that wells in me and gushes out more faithful than that geyser-not geezer- Old Faithful. It bursts out its true color every time I see my several hundred dollar camera in it’s canvas black case sitting on my carpeted closet floor.

You may ponder the connection and beg me to tell you what’s so frustrating about that. Okay, I’ll tell you.

The fact is I can’t take a decent picture to save my life. I would be that person who witnesses a crime scene take fold while strapped with a camera (that has 20 hours of video on it) around my neck. Do not worry, because yes I did snap a picture of the assailant or whatever the crime deems him to be called, but oh no! I only got his shadow. And mixed with that shadow is another one. Mine. And on the right of that shadow is a finger. Yes, mine also. So therefore I stink at photography.

Is photography spending hundreds, maybe thousands on the latest and greatest digital piece of technical advancement in the form of Canon? Nikon? Kodak?

Is it stuffing your otherwise immaculate and catalogued bookshelves with how-to, self-help , and guide books all with at least one word regarding to photography in it?

Is it investing in a tripod, a backdrop, and a carry case that rivals the quality of Gucci?

Is it a photojournalist? Or is it capable by someone local and someone you know.

Is it black and white? Is it color. Is it portraits, still life, or landscapes? Indoors? Outdoors?

Is it owning every Disney themed digitial camera, or owning a collection of pre-historic cameras?

Is it someone who carries a battery-less and SD card-less (or worse filmless) camera everywhere they go? (Wait, I think I can answer that by myself. That would be a down on his luck photographer. Which still doesn’t constitute as photography.)

Is it a job where you get paid? Is it a hobby you do for pleasure?

Is it ONLY for PROFESSIONALS who have a PhD in photography?

What is photography?

For me photography is going to the zoo and snap, snap, snap take a picture of a giraffe, without his or her permission, probably cutting off it’s head in the process. So in that case I really didn’t offend the giraffe by snapping a picture of it beings that its head is missing in all twelve pictures. (Even though my sincerest intention was to include that part of its anatomy!)

No, ALL I have in a dozen pictures is the joy of staring at itslong neck and long legs. Of course if this giraffe has very distinguished markings or body patterns I could still be sued and forced to return all negatives and developed pictures in the event it identifies itself in the headless prints!

But that might be proven impossible as I have an akward tendency to drop my camera from approximately five feet five inches from above the hard ground. That's how I killed my first camera, bless its film.

For others photography is this; at the same zoo but taking pictures of SPARROWS while a lion viciously devours his lunch in the background. Yes, you read it right and I am telling it straight.

About thirty or so people from overseas snapping animatedly at seven or so little sparrows stabbing their beaks at smashed, wayward crumbs on the well traveled concrete path of the zoo. I mean who takes pictures of sparrows when there is a buffalo stampede happening in the North American exhibition, an Amazonian Poison Dart Frog attempting to kill its mate in the reptile/amphibian house, and a ENDAGERED species called the Panda Bear giving birth to a new baby girl or boy bear outside it’s pen? Who I ask you, who!

Just a quick side note: The sparrow is basically quite the WORLDWIDE inhabitant, living as indigenous birds in many countries and throughout five continents. Perhaps in other countries they are never seen on the ground, however. They may be that elusive bird that soars all day through the clouds and hides amidst the branches at night. Who am I kidding, I think it’s safe to say that where these tourists came from there were flocks of sparrows peeking in their kitchen window every day.

Photography has been around since the first breath of makind. Well maybe that's pushing it, but still...

For the ancient Egyptians it was turning a visual memory into a carved image on a stone wall. For the English aristocracy it was grand portraits from every generation hung all together in one place forming a breathtaking clan of deceased but royal family members. The initiation to get up there? Death. So I hope from that you can safely assume that that is NOT my favorite type of photography.

Photography is also nature waiting to be broadcasted to millions of viewers and readers in whatever way the travelers and adventurers can afford to offer. It is a collections of destination postcards. It’s the seven wonders of the world. It's depth, perception, light and darkness and imagination. Photography, it is timeless.

For writers through every decade, century and millennium photography is creating images with words. It’s showing, not telling, people using descriptive sentences. It’s taking what you saw ten years ago and putting it to paper.

It’s the artist sitting in the courtroom sketching all involved-the jury, the judge, the defendant the prosecutor, the guilty and the innocent. They are caught on paper as he sees them. That is photography.

It’s the creative soul springing free in all artists as they paint brush stroke after brush stroke of locked up masterpieces from the recesses of their mind. Although I am still trying to wrap my mind on abstract art. Or when Tiger Woods hit paint golf balls on a huge canvas, autographed it, and sold it for more money than I want to acknowledge. Yup, I still have my doubts on that one, and not because it’s Tiger Woods!

Photography is art that comes in many art forms. It all depends on how and whether or not you are willing to let your creativity flow. To be brave enough to let expressions and emotions in both written words and sketches that aid the photographed image. Be yourself and your photography will ultimately be unique no matter what!

Photography 1On1, however, is more than trying to get everybody in the group picture and not using the timer, only to have to ask , uh beg very, very nicely, a complete stranger to take the picture.

So what’s the 1On1 part in that? Well you hand him or her the camera and then from that point on it’s all jibber jab coming out of your mouth….

You: Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of us?

Stranger: Uh, sure.

You: Sure you mind or…

Stranger: I’ll take one.

You: It might be more than one….?

Stranger: That’s okay.

You: Thanks. Appreciate that.

Stranger: No problem.

You: Here put this strap around your neck.

Stranger: That’s okay. It’ll only take a sec.

You: No, please, I insist. I would feel better if you did.

Stranger: Huh?

You: Well you see that was kind of out of my budget when I bought it so since then I have been overprotective of it.

Stranger: If you don’t want me to do this I don’t have to. If you’re uncomfortable with me doing it I don’t have to. I…

You: Well you see I stretched the truth there a little. Okay I lied. The camera? Yeah, it’s my brother’s. So if you could please,…

Stranger: …didn’t ask to do this. (under their breath of course)

You: …please just flip that strap over your neck. Yeah just like that.

You: Okay now you press this button to take the picture.

Stranger: This one?

You: Wow! I told you to press that one, did I? I am so sorry. That’s not the right one. If you could please just give me this back for a second so I can rehash my memory and show you the right button.

Stranger: Here.

You: Thanks. Uh- uh. Here she is. This green button. See it?

Stranger: Gotcha.

You: Here, now if you….hmmm didn’t have to tell you five times did I?

Stranger: What?

You: You are a quick learner. Didn’t have to tell you more than five times to put the neck strap on. You did it without being told to this time.

Stranger: Ooookaaaay. Ready?

You: Oops I better get back in the group, right? But before I do I want to show you a quick tour of this camera. You know to get a feel for it.

Stranger: I don’t think that’s nece-

You: Here. This is the flash. It doesn’t look like you’ll need it as we are outdoors and not a cloud in sight but you know, you just need to know these things. And here, this is the landscape settings. You have portrait, objects moving mode, and oh here is automatic. Let’s flip it on….Uh, would you mind taking it off again. I mean I don’t want to crowd your personal space.

Stranger: I got it. There. See?

You: Okay. But now that I think of it we could also do it on portrait. Because it looks like we are quite frankly a big pile of portraits just waiting to be snapped by the camera.

Stranger: Exactly.

You: Oh, I am so sorry. I did not mean to insinuate that you were too slow but I know how it was for me to learn how to use this thing so don’t feel bad. You are actually doing a great job. In fact I think there’s only one or two things I need to show you and we are good to-

Unknown Speaker: Here, allow me to show you what to do.

Stranger: Who are you?

Unknown Speaker: Brother.

You: Yes this is my brother. Actually he it the owner of the camera.

Stranger: I’ll gladly take your help.

Unknown Speaker turned Brother: Great. Hey you get out of here and go find a place in the group.

You: Okay. By the way, nice meeting you and thanks!

Exactly ten seconds later…..

Brother: Hey. The person that took that picture wanted me to give this to you. Thought you might be interested I guess.

You: What is it? A business card? Hmmm.

Brother: Yeah take a good, close look and see what it says.

You: Not much, it just says, Linnea Linkus. Family Portrait Photographer. Oops.

And that is photography 1On1 on its worst day in its worst way.

Even though this is a long drawn out process in it’s most extreme form perhaps you might have been the You, the Stranger or the Unknown Speaker turned Brother in such an event. Maybe you were even one of the distant relatives lost amongst the other impatient family members waiting by the water fountain to get their pictures snapped. It doesn’t matter who you were in that scenario, or if you never even got a print or copy sent to you after that arduous occasion. You created a photograph, either through photographical memory, or camera lens, or by a happy walk down memory lane. You were part of that big picture.

And so I urge you one and all to, if you are like me, pull out your camera from it’s carpeted hiding place that you all too easily have forgotten and dimissed. Don't have a camera? Are you the one who has always held a deep desire to buy one of these mechanisms? Then now is your chance to just pull out that camera this bright, new Spring season and start snapping away. Capture your memories within this great invention so you can share them with each passing generation or pour over them a year from now.

Don’t let the opportunity pass you by to hold onto something through a photograph that when looked upon will speak a thousand words. And even if you have accidently cut off heads in the process know you are still preserving memories. Precious never before, experienced memories. And yes I guess that includes sparrows.

So practice that action I recently discovered was free and quite effortless, the “Smile” and……

SAY CHEESE!!!

CHOKING HAZARD! WARNING! This triangular Chunk of Cheese Sculpture contains absolutely NO animal bi-products including but not limited to milk and meat and is full of artificial ingredients, chemicals and had been sculpted with several toxic metals. Therefore it should be kept out of the reach of all persons twenty one and under and in no circumstances should be ingested. Please refrain from inhaling any parts of this product as well as you may suffer from light-headedness, dizziness, nausea, blurred vision and fatigue. If any of these symptoms occur to you or you feel abnormal after staring at the image or partaking in the original sculpture for prolonged spans of time, contact your doctor and local photographer right away. Ann Nonymous is not in any way held accountable or responsible for any adverse conditions regarding the Cheese Sculpture!

Thank You....and now go sculpt your own photographs!!!!!